I Am Not Alone...

Today seemed like it was a little more slow moving than the previous days have been. Maybe it was the weather outside that made me want to stay in bed, I wasn't sure. I came home lastnight to an empty house which really wasn't all that different from a lot of other nights, but lastnight seemed different, I was lonelier.

I don't know how to be alone really and I think that is what scares me the most. My whole life has always been filled with people. My family, my kids, my husband, my friends. Someone has always needed me. And coming home to my empty house it brought out the thought that maybe it's not so much that someone needed me, but now I needed someone. The only person that I can think of in my quietness today was HIM.

For quite some time now I haven't needed HIM, so I thought, and really lost focus of our relationship. I quit talking to HIM and quit thinking of HIM. This really brought on an empty feeling deep within. I tried to stay in bed today and sleep because then I wouldn't have to think about it all. It didn't work. So, I just started talking and explaining what has been going on with me and my thought processes. I admitted that I was afraid of what the future had in store for me and my kids. I told HIM that I was ashamed that I pushed him aside and how I thought I could do this on my own. I felt more at ease once I was finished. Then I got out of bed.

So, another realization for me today has been that I am not alone, HE is always with me. This brought so much comfort to me and I was able to push aside all those ugly feelings that were trying to overcome me. I ended up having a good time with my family tonight because I was willing to let go once again. I am going to make it a point to quit trying to control everything in my life because that just isn't how things work. Everything happens for a reason. It has to or it just keeps repeating itself.

I am off to bed now in my empty house, but tonight I am not lonely this time.