Today I am back on my roller coaster of emotions, but I am feeling different about the way I am going to handle it. Today I will own up to what I need to do to put my mind at ease and I WILL NOT let the negativity suck me in.

I am learning on my journey that you definitely need some supportive people to talk to or you really will just go insane. I am thankful for the friends and family that I have in my life and especially my new love because they all, at some point, have needed to be my rock that centers me. It's hard to get to that point where you are willing to knock down that walls that you have built around yourself and let someone in, but with practice and patience I am working on that. There is some embarrassment involved in this process though because you think to yourself, "What the hell was I doing holding on for so long?", but nonetheless at least I am changing now.

I have always been a fighter in whatever I was doing. One that never gave up until the problem was either solved or gone. This huge problem that I have been dealing with just so happened to last for 14 years and now I want it to just disappear. I don't want to hate Chris because that's just not who I am, but dang it he is making it very easy to do just that very thing. I pray hard everyday that today will be the day that he just lets go and that it's over...no more fighting. Definitely not the case today!

I am ready to love again and enter on a new journey. I have been sitting in the background long enough and I am kind of feeling impatient to be done with the divorce. I pray for the strength to keep going, I pray for wisdom to not fall for the old lies, I pray for honesty in my words so not to hurt anyone, I pray for guidance so I know my direction. Mostly I pray for happiness though, I deserve it!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.